A student’s view of my school

Teaching can often be a frustrating, thankless job.  Stuff like this is what keeps me coming back; here’s an excerpt from something a student wrote today about the impact our school has had on him (I’ve corrected spelling errors):

I have enjoyed these three months I have spent at [school].  I think this place is truly where I belong.  I understand I have motivation issues but I believe that these three months I have learned and grown more than I have at any other of my two high schools I attended.  I promise next year to overachieve and be that person.  I thought I was such a loser just a year ago.  Now I understand the importance of school and the great things that can come out of it.

This kid’s story is not unique.  I love being part of a place where we can help students to see themselves in new ways.  It can change everything for them. 

A person’s identity and self-concept have so much to do with what they decide to do with their lives and the choices they make.  If you can help someone to see themselves in a different light, to develop a new identity – you can change their world.  You can destroy it or you can help them realize it’s brighter than they ever imagined.

Why I didn’t mind spending two hours on something that’s “not my job”

This week we’ve been doing STAR testing at my school.  It is the battery of standardized tests used to measure how good a school and its teachers are.  I will eventually post a tirade of sorts on the many reasons STAR tests don’t really do what they're supposed to but that’s for another time.  This is a story about me realizing how much the old adage, “leadership is service,” is true.

Administering these tests is a bit of a bureaucratic nightmare.  Every student takes between two and five tests on different subjects.  Each subject has a number of different tests the student may take (different kinds of math, science, and history, for example).  You have to figure out who’s taking what test, where they’re taking it, get the right booklets and answer documents in the right spots, make sure the correct bubbles are filled in…there’s a lot to it. 

Tuesday was day two of the testing and most of our students had finished all their tests but we still had about sixty left.  Some had just one part of one test to do, others had three full tests.  Other students had no tests left.  We had to figure out how to schedule the next day.  What teachers would give tests?  What tests did students still have to take?  What was the best way to schedule the test takers?  What if they finished the tests before our brunch break – where do they go then?  What about the kids who don’t have any tests?  How can we schedule them so they are able to do fruitful work?  These questions and more presented themselves, and I found myself working with Wendy, the teacher who runs point on these things, to sort it all out.

We spent a little over two hours, along with one other teacher, sorting all this out.  Wendy is a real live teacher.  She has all the responsibilities a real live teacher does, but she’s taken it upon herself to organize the standardized testing process at our school.  This is a crazy amount of work that is usually done by administrators like Vice Principals – but we don’t have those at our school.  So Wendy volunteers to do it, and she does a great job.

There was no command or directive given to me and the other teacher that helped Wendy sort that stuff out.  We all had other things to do that weren’t getting done.  We were all frustrated and flummoxed (it is so awesome that I just used that word) by the process as we tried to sort through the spreadsheets, schedules, and test booklets.  But we did it – even though our boss never “told us to do it” and it wasn’t in our job description.  And I realized, somewhere towards the end, that a few things were true about this situation:

At no point in the process was I frustrated at other people for not doing it.

When I do things out of a sense of obligation or “I have to” or even frustration that “well someone has to do it,” that experience is almost always accompanied by some measure of frustration and annoyance.  I spend my time wondering what important things other people have to attend to that keeps them from helping.  I think of how awesome I am that I’m doing it and they’re not, and I hope they realize what a favor I’m doing them by bearing this burden for them.  None of these thoughts occurred to me. This is not because I’m a moral exemplar.  I noticed it because it's out of the ordinary. 

I was following a leader without her even asking me to.

A big part of the reason I wasn’t bugged was because I had the distinct sense that I was helping take some of the load off of Wendy – and it was my pleasure to do so.  But it wasn’t a charity thing.  She was leading the way – it was going to be done whether or not I helped – and I wanted to be a part of it.  She had cast no vision, she had recruited no volunteers – but I wanted to help because of who she is.  This helped me internalize something I’ve heard for years:

Leadership is influence and servanthood, not position and organizational power.

Wendy’s job title is “teacher,” just like most of us.  Ask anybody at our school and they will tell you Wendy loves them.  How do they know?  Not because she says it (although that is true).  It’s because she takes a genuine interest in people.  She asks about their life.  She shares her own.  She asks for ways to help.  She offers suggestions in a tactful way that makes it clear she only wants to be a blessing if you want her to.  She asks for your suggestions and input, making it clear that no matter where you land on the organizational power spectrum that she can learn something from you.  She volunteers to take work on her shoulders and happily does it.  She doesn’t guilt people into helping – she just makes it happen.

These are all the things a leader does.  Wendy would probably balk a little at being described as such, but I’m learning a lot about leadership by watching her example.  She could benefit from being more willing to ask others for help, but here’s the thing: if they don’t help she’s not bitter about it.

She’s built influence unconsciously through the way she shows care for others on a daily basis, and the way she pushes forward to get the job done.  This isn’t a deliberate effort on her part to build influence and be a leader – it’s just who she is.   

Leadership is the fruit of who you are.

Too often I think of leadership as a set of skills that allows me to build influence and accomplish goals.  That leads to insincere relationships and frustration when others don’t do what you want them to.  I see in Wendy something I aspire to: genuine care and investment in others.  She doesn’t do it thinking it makes her a good leader.  She never read a book that says the real way to gain influence with people is to show that you care.  It’s just who she is.  The fruit of that is people sacrificing to serve with her – and honestly to serve her a little bit.  I think STAR tests are stupid and I don’t believe in them, but because I believe in Wendy I was willing to do it.

Why I love my job: my students

I love my job.  I tell my students every day that I love it and they know I mean it.  I’m not just talking about being a teacher here – I’m talking about my particular teaching position at my particular school.  I’m not just grateful to have a job that pays the bills – although if I did I would be.  I don’t have to drag myself to work every day knowing that I’m sacrificing for my family.  Last week I had Spring Break and I was out sick the last three days of the previous week; today is my first day back and I was happy to get up early this morning and head to work.

Why? 

I love my students.

I teach English and History at a continuation high school.  This is the school where students get sent when they fall behind in credits.  That happens for all kinds of reasons, from the death of a parent to spending their time engaging in gang activity to just cutting school because they’d rather smoke weed all day.  Usually the “presenting” problem (whatever the apparent issue that led to them falling behind in credits) isn’t the real problem either.

These kids arrive at our school in very real danger of not graduating.  They often have very little academic resilience – that is, they have become accustomed to failing in school so when they hit bumps or face challenges their first response is often to give up.  They have very little confidence in their abilities, and they’re used to being told how much they suck at school and at life.  This makes it a challenge to get many of them to produce work in the first place (especially writing!) or to listen to constructive criticism of their work (a teacher’s job).  But I love it.

I love seeing a student realize they are more capable than they realize.  I love seeing a student overcome the internal hurdles and give themselves a chance to succeed.  So much of my job comes down to helping my students reshape their identity; to stop seeing themselves as failures or “bad students” or people who just won’t graduate into students that can be free to choose to do what they want, people who can succeed.  It’s a difficult process – but I do it with such an amazing team.  But that’s another post.

I wish I could tell you some of the specifics of these kids.  The obstacles so many of these kids face – from families that get them into gangs to the unexpected death of a parent to neglectful parents to having to work to pay the family’s bills and more – would blow your mind.  Continuation schools have a reputation as the schools where the “bad kids” go.  Honestly, though, after spending time here and at a traditional school site, I hope I get to work at this school for the rest of my teaching career. 

I want a room full of kids who are in danger of not graduating.  I want a room full of kids who have never had a positive interaction with a male authority figure.  I want a room full of kids who have been beaten down by their education so they no longer believe in themselves or that education matters.  I want a room full of kids who don’t know how to write a paragraph even though they’re about to graduate high school.  I want these kids because all the things I believe about education and teaching – that it can reshape your self-concept in amazing ways, that it can make you free, that it’s about awakening you and allowing you to express who you are – I see these things every day with my students.

Yes I deal with kids texting and being high and I’ve learned more about gang culture than I ever thought I would – but I love my job and I love my kids.  I get the opportunity every day to make a real difference, both relationally and educationally, in the lives of the students who walk into my classroom.  Some of them I only get to know for a couple of weeks before they’re moved out, others I’ve known the entire (almost) two years I’ve been there.  There are many reasons I love where I work but the kids are the biggest.   

I feel absolutely blessed to be in the position I’m in.  I get to serve students that really need it, I get to be a part of reshaping their identities and giving them a real shot at an education.  Every day when I go to work I don’t have to wonder if I’m doing something meaningful with my life.  I get to work in a public school, get paid enough to pay the bills, and spend my time and energy helping students see more in themselves and the world than they did before. 

Ode to the Cone

The McDonald’s Vanilla Cone is a thing of beauty.  I spent most of my life blind to its glory but in the last few years I have come to see the creamy light.  You’ve got to understand how amazing this thing is.

First, it’s cheap.  Around a buck.  Most places it’s crept up to $1.09 but it’s still good. 

Second, it’s tasty.  There are plenty of cheap things that taste like crap.  But the McDonald’s Vanilla Cone is different.  They are consistently delicious and refreshing.  What’s better than a soft serve cone on a hot day?  Or a warm day?  Or a cold day?

Third, it’s relatively low calorie, clocking in somewhere around 150.  That will of course be higher or lower depending on how generous the staff are but that’s not bad.

Fourth, you can get it really fast.  They’ve usually got the cone waiting for you by the time you roll up to the second window.

Fifth, it’s small enough to where you can finish it before you get home and you don’t have to explain to the kids why Daddy gets ice cream and they don’t.

Yes, the McDonald’s Vanilla Cone is a wonderful thing.  You should get one.

This post was not sponsored by McDonald’s, but it should have been.

Book Review: Radical Together

I was fortunate enough to get an early review copy of Radical Together, a sequel of sorts to Radical.  I offered my thoughts on Radical just a few days ago and many of my thoughts apply to both of these books.  As with the first I absolutely recommend this book.  Platt is a young pastor at 32 and hopefully has many years ahead of him as a prolific writer, because I love what he has to write.  Radical Together avoids many of the sins of typical Christian books and has many strengths.  In this review I’ll hit a few of the things that stuck out to me.

The book is short – coming in at 120 pages from Introduction to Conclusion.  The end has a lot of great discussion material and questions for small groups based on each of the six chapters.  The book is very readable.  I read it this afternoon between taking care of kids and straightening the house.  Don’t mistake its easy readability for a lack of depth; in fact I believe that’s one of this book’s strengths.

Depth and great delivery

This book has theological and biblical depth.  It’s not shallow and is clearly informed by a broad understanding and application of Scripture.  Whereas some books take one verse and twist and torture it until they get a book’s worth of their vapid thoughts down flimsily masquerading as Biblical truth, it’s clear Platt’s reflections are the result of much study, prayer, and living as a Christ-follower.  He isn’t interested in easy answers or asking questions just to sound profound.  Platt is on the journey of trying to follow Jesus for real in America.  That carries some questions and difficulties with it – and he addresses them not with a simple sense of guilt or emotional volunteerism.  He understands that the gospel is at the core of what it means to be a Christian – and that needs to show up in all we do.  Radical focused on the lives of individuals, and Radical Together explores how the gospel can and should impact the life of the local church.

Questions every church should be asking

Platt’s purpose for this book is to get every church asking “How can we in the church best unleash the people of God in the Spirit of God with the Word of God for the glory of God in the world?” (p.3)  In working through this question Platt offers six ideas – the topics of each chapter.  They are:

1. One of the worst enemies of Christians can be good things in the church.
2. The gospel that saves us from work saves us to work.
3. The Word does the work.
4. Building the right church depends on using all the wrong people.
5. We are living – and longing – for the end of the world.
6. We are selfless followers of a self-centered God.

Some of those ideas are worded provocatively but I assure you there’s actual meaning to them.  As he explores these ideas Platt builds a biblical case for challenging the church and he does it with equal measures of irenic grace and brutal honesty.

A simple church, focused on the right thing

Platt questions many of the things that are taken for granted in American Evangelicalism.  He doesn’t do it in a pot-stirring, rabble-rousing, I’m-just-asking-questions-and-being-contrary-but-don’t-really-have-anything-to-offer kind of way.  Instead Platt shares his own journey as someone asked by a rich megachurch to be the pastor:

To be honest, I hate budget season.  As a pastor, I believe that is when the church comes face to face with how prone we are to give our resources to good things while ignoring great need.  Christians in North America give, on average, 2.5 percent of their income to their church.  Out of that 2.5 percent, churches in North America will give 2 percent of their budgeted monies to needs overseas.  In other words, for every hundred dollars a North American Christian earns, he will give five cents through the church to a world with urgent spiritual and physical needs.  This does not make sense. (p.16)

As a result of that process, Platt’s church actually downsized its ministry budgets, cancelled some planned property improvements, and drained a large savings account to provide money for ministries around the world.   This isn’t shared in a self-aggrandizing way – Platt is simply sharing how this journey has played out at his church. 

As I read this book I was reminded of a book I read a few years ago, Simple Church.  The general idea was that for churches to really build disciples they need to focus on disciple-making and cut out a lot of programs that may be “good” but ultimately distract from the main purpose of the church.  Platt takes the idea a bit farther, though, and I think in the right direction.

Spend less time at church

Platt states gracefully, biblically, and effectively what I amateurishly fumbled at in an old blog post.  Many churches would be better off if more of their people spent less time attending and maintaining church programs, and more time bring the gospel into their contexts.  One thing they did was outsource their VBS to individual homes, so instead of inviting lots of people from the community to come to the church campus for a gigantic program, the church equipped families to host VBS-like programs in their communities.  These allowed them to build real relationships with the people in their neighborhoods, gave these individuals the responsibility and privilege of making disciples and spreading the gospel – and did it more effectively than yet another program at the church would have.  That’s not to say a VBS at the church would be bad per se – but Platt is happy his church “decided to stop planning, creating, and managing outreach programs and [started] unleashing people to maximize the ministry opportunities God had already planned and created for them” (p. 66).

You’ve got to read this book

As with Radical, I can’t recommend this book enough to anybody who considers themselves a follower of Christ.  It is a fantastic addendum to Radical and the logical followup  I am excited for my wife Janelle to read this so the two of us can discuss the implications for our own lives.  In it are many of the ideas she and I have spent so long talking about.  This book lays out clearly some of the very things that led me to leave a career in ministry. 

You owe it to yourself to read this book.  But be warned; it will force you to face some of the questions and doubts you try to avoid when you feel them bubbling up.  It will give a loud voice to that quiet one inside you that wonders if there’s something more to being a Christian than going to a great church, being a part of a Bible study, tithing, and sponsoring a Compassion Child.  And it may be the voice that takes your Christianity from a frustrating hobby to a radical lifestyle.

I was provided with an advance copy of this book by Multnomah Press in order to review it.  But everything I just said is still true.  The book is like nine bucks.  My integrity costs at least triple that.

Is honor really admirable?

I’ve always been one for the tragic hero.  As I grew up I enjoyed reading stories about the valiant man who bravely died due to this or that.  I remember reading the Dragonlance Chronicles novels (a rite of passage for any true gamer geek) as a kid and being drawn to Sturm Brightblade.  Sturm was a member of a disgraced order of knights; they were once respected but had fallen into shame and disrespect.  Sturm clung to his honor and the honor of this order, and eventually got himself killed by standing on the battlements of a castle challenging a dragon he really had no prayer at all of beating.  (According to the story, Sturm’s stand against the dragon allowed his friends to escape and defeat an enemy army but I was never sure how that worked…it would take the dragon two seconds to kill him.)  Honor was a huge part of Sturm’s character and it was an ideal I looked up to as a child.

My favorite heroes were always those who would do anything to preserve honor; as time went on this didn’t change but my view of honor began to.  Red Branch, one of my all-time favorite novels, is about Cuchulain, the Hound of Ulster in Irish myth.  There’s a portion near the end where Cuchulain is obligated by honor to engage in single combat to the death against his best friend.  Here’s part of it:

There is no way out for either of us, Cuchulain thought bitterly.  Sencha the brehon had once taught him, convinced him: Honor is the treasure no one can take from you; honor is the shield no one can penetrate unless you let him.  Now, honor had brought the two of them to an icy river on a bitterly cold day to try to kill each other for something neither could touch or taste or hold in his hands.  Honor has somehow failed us, Cuchulain thought, wishing he had time to puzzle it through.  But there was no time left.

What was the ideal of honor I was so admiring?  It was this sense of dignity that no one could take from you.  It was demanding respect from others.  It was others knowing if they insulted you, they would have to apologize or pay the price.  It was never letting weakness show.  

It was stupid.

I think I admired this so much in my heroes because I grew up getting made fun of and disrespected and never did much standing up for myself.  I was walked over all the time but never did anything about it.  My heroes had the strength I didn’t.  The strength to make someone pay if they impugned you or something you loved.  The strength to demand respect and homage from others.  As I grew up I realized my impression of honor was entirely immature and selfish.  Honor was about me (or the hero, me by extension) getting the respect and admiration of others.  It wasn’t about the defense of others, the upholding of something else that is truly noble – it was about getting people to like me.

In this sense of the word honor, the sense of the word I admired most of my life, honor is just another name for human pride and ego.  We build fortresses around our pet causes, construct monuments to ourselves, and call them honor.  True honor is something greater than a man refusing to be insulted.  It is a man being insulted and refusing to exact revenge.  It is too easy for us to use concepts like honor and justice to achieve whatever ends we want and try to increase our standing in the eyes of others.

The truly honorable man is the one who is able to move beyond the perception of others have of him and his honor, and do what is right.  I would be hard pressed to think of a situation where the right thing to do would be “demand satisfaction” (read that would a southern accent, please) from someone who has wounded my pride or made me look foolish in front of others.  I can’t praise the ending my life or someone else’s for the sake of admiration and respect.  Admiration, respect, and honor (for an individual) should be the byproduct of their taking admirable, respectable, and honorable actions.  Honor should not be the goal, or it is simple self-indulgence, ego, and pride.

I constantly have to check my motivations.  I get way too much validation from the compliments of others.  I pray regularly for God to rid me of the sin of pride, the desire to be liked and respected by others, and for the heart not concerned with my own honor or recognition.  It’s going to be a life long process.  But as someone way smarter than me has said, it’s more important to focus on being honorable than being honored.

Book Thoughts: Radical by David Platt

I bought Radical: Taking Back Your Faith From the American Dream as a birthday present for Janelle in February and have heard a few people mention how good of a book it is.  A couple days ago a friend e-mailed me specifically to recommend the book to me; that was the final push to get me to finally read it.  I’m glad I did.

Radical was a quick read – I read it in a few sittings over the course of a couple days, between taking care of kids.  That doesn’t mean it’s shallow; it’s just readable.  The title and subtitle do a pretty good job of explaining what the book is about: the tension between following Jesus and pursuing the American Dream.  It’s a tension that should be familiar to any Christian or anybody that tries to take Jesus’ words seriously.  Platt describes it like this:

We look back on slave-owning churchgoers of 150 years ago and ask, “How could they have treated their fellow human beings that way?”  I wonder if followers of Christ 150 years from now will look back at Christians in America today and ask, “How could they live in such big houses?  How could they drive such nice cars and wear such nice clothes?  How could they live in such affluence while thousands of children were dying because they didn’t have food and water?  How could they go on with their lives as though billions of poor didn’t even exist?”    (p. 111)

This isn’t simple hand-wringing and guilt.  It’s an honest reflection from someone trying to take Jesus’ commands seriously.  Someone trying to read the story of the Rich Young Ruler, or the Rich Man and Lazarus, or Jesus’ commands to care for the poor, and not just turn them into meaningless platitudes but honestly live them out.  How do we do it?

These are questions that have run through my mind for years.  When I read something like the Rich Young Ruler, where Jesus tells a man to sell all his possessions and give them to the poor, I wonder what I’m supposed to do with that.  I have looked at my life and seriously wondered if I am living out the commands of Jesus for real, or if I’m just picking the commands I’m comfortable following.  The area where this hits me the hardest is when I consider how I do or do not care for the poor, the orphans, the people on the fringes of society.  Platt sees this as well:

So what is the difference between someone who willfully indulges in sexual pleasures while ignoring the Bible on moral purity and someone who willfully indulges in the selfish pursuit of more material possessions while ignoring the Bible on caring for the poor?  The difference is that one involves a social taboo in the church and the other involves the social norm in the church. (p. 111)

I know Jesus didn’t just put those commands in there so I would feel guilty; He wants me to do something about it.  But what?

Radical is a good discussion of questions like that.  There are challenging stories from church history (a good reminder of what I first heard from John Piper – the importance of reading Christian biography), honest confessions from Platt’s own life, strikingly straight identification of many of the ways Christians today dismiss the commands of Christ – and perhaps best of all, a call to action at the end.

If I have one complaint (I have more than that) about most “Christian living” books, it’s that they’re mostly fluff that you feel good while reading (until you become black-hearted and cynical like me) but in the end don’t effect much change.  What I like about this book is that the final chapter provides a challenge in the form of the “Radical Experiment.”  Readers are encouraged to do five things.  These are not five prescriptive steps to turn you into a better Christian, or to make your life complete; they’re five things to help you along the journey as you work through what this stuff means for you.

Janelle and I have had some major stuff going on in our hearts and this book resonates with a lot of that.  As I read the book I didn’t really hear anything new per se, but it did help to hear some of the same questions I’ve been asking myself asked by someone else, and to see how they’re working through them.  So in the end I recommend if you’re a Christian you read this book.  If you’ve been dealing with some of the same questions, or even a vague uneasiness, as you read through some of the passages of Scripture I mentioned, this should help you along your journey.  And if you haven’t thought about or dealt with any of this stuff – you need to, and this book will help wake you up.

Blogs I read

A friend recently asked me to share some of the blogs I read.  I have a nice Google Reader setup with several RSS subscriptions.  I usually scan the headlines and read posts that stick out to me.  There are some blogs, however, that I read every post from. 

Usually the reason is that I actually know the person in real life and therefore care what they write.  Other times it’s because I’ve found what they write to be useful and/or interesting enough to start reading.  Anyway – I’ll share a few of the blogs that are currently in my RSS feed:

• I Will Teach You To Be Rich – Despite the title it’s a great blog by a really sharp guy.  The posts have a lot to do with personal finance but Ramit Sethi (the author) focuses a lot on psychology and behavior as well.  Usually really interesting and/or useful stuff.
• Matt Maiocco’s 49ers Blog – Not your typical sports reporter – Maiocco has top notch stuff on the 49ers and he’s the only beat writer I make it a point to read.
• Lifehacker – Several posts daily relating to all kinds of things that could make your life easier.
• Art of Manliness – Just what it sounds like.  Interesting articles that profile particular men, deal with skills associated with men, etc.  Useful for women too, of course.
• Consumerism Commentary – Personal Finance.
• Cake, Batter, and Bowl – Cooking/baking/recipes.
• Get Rich Slowly – Frugality, saving/investing, etc.
• GTD Times – Official blog of “Getting Things Done” guru David Allen.
• You Are Not So Smart – A blog about the foibles of our brains.

I also read pretty much every post from the blogs I have linked on my right sidebar – the blogs of friends of mine.

I would love to check out any recommendations you have for me on blogs you think I should be reading.

Lincoln's Fart Joke

It may surprise you to learn that Abraham Lincoln, widely regarded as one of the best, if not the best, Presidents in American History, was a big fan of crude humor. He was also apparently a good storyteller - it was said he "could make a cat laugh." I heard this joke of his re-told today and it brought me to tears. Apparently it's not close to the crudest he told (one contemporary referred to him as "possibly the most obscene individual ever"), but it is, in my estimation, gut-bustingly hilarious:

There was a party once, not far from Springfield, and among the crowd was one of those men who had audacity. Cheeky, quick-witted, never off guard on any occasion. The audacious man, chosen to be the carver of the turkey at the dinner table, whetted his great carving knife and got down to business carving the bird. The man of audacity expended too much force and let a fart, a loud fart, so that all the people heard it distinctly. It shocked all.

A deep silence reigned.

However, the audacious man was entirely self-possessed. He pulled off his coat, rolled up his sleeves, spat on his hands, whetted the carving knife again, never cracking a smile or moving a muscle on his face. It became a wonder in the minds of all the men and women how the fellow was to get out of his dilemma. He squared himself and said loudly and distinctly, “Now, by God, I’ll see if I can’t cut up this turkey without farting!”

If you don't think that's funny I really don't know what to tell you. And if you don't think I'm going to share this joke with every single history class I teach from now on you don't know me very well.

A missed opportunity

This past weekend at South Bay, Filipe preached on three perspective shifts regarding service and serving others that should come when we seek to follow Christ.  One of these shifts was that when we look at the need, see the opportunity.  That is, the existence of a need is an opportunity for us to do something about it and in so doing bring more glory to God. 

In making this point, Filipe shared about a time when he felt it very strongly impressed upon him that he should offer an obviously inebriated man a ride.  This man was ambling around in circles in a dark parking lot by himself.  At first Filipe drove past and tried to suppress the feeling for reasons that should be familiar to all of us.  Upon reaching the end of the street he couldn’t suppress it any more and turned around to go offer the man a ride.  It turned out the man was so lonely he’d gotten drunk so he could screw up the courage to kill himself, and as he walked in circles in that parking lot he was trying to figure out how to do it.  But because Filipe took the opportunity, that man’s night went very differently.

As Filipe told the story it clearly reminded me of a similar experience I had in college.  I’d stopped at a 7-11 to get a coffee (I was desperate for coffee) on my way up to campus, and outside there was what looked like a homeless woman.  I did my best to avoid eye contact as I went in and got my coffee, but as I served the coffee up for myself I had this strong sense that I should go ask the woman if I could get her anything. 

It’s hard to describe this “sense” I’m talking about or exactly what it felt like.  I’d say the thought entered my mind but that doesn’t capture it.  I’d say I felt a compulsion in my heart but it was more distinct than that.  Whatever it was exactly, it’s clear to me now and was even clear at the time that it was something God wanted me to do.  He wanted me to speak to that woman like a human being and offer her at least a cup of coffee – something that I could more than spare the dollar-fifty for.

I suppressed this feeling for two main reasons.  First, I didn’t know how she would react and I was scared of it.  Second, I convinced myself I needed to hurry to get to campus.  Both of those were crap but it’s how I justified my inaction.

I steeled my nerves against the compassionate impulses, paid for my coffee, and marched back to my car with my head down.  My heart was pounding at this point and it’s one of the few distinct times in my life I had the strong sense that I was directly choosing disobedience to a clear command of God.  I sin regularly but it doesn’t always hit my heart so strongly.  I sat in the car for a moment, started it up, and continued on my way up Harder Road to campus.

I hit a red light right away and sat there thinking about what I was (not) doing.  After a few blocks of driving I couldn’t stand it anymore and turned around to see if the woman was still there.  When I got back to the 7-11, not more than seven minutes after I left, the woman was nowhere to be seen.  I’d missed the opportunity.  I felt like a failure.  Probably because I was. 

Who knows what difference, if any, my interaction would’ve had on that woman’s life.  That wasn’t really the issue though.  The issue was: do I care more about my discomfort and time or do I care more about obeying God and extending His love and grace to others? 

At that point the answer was the former.  I hope and pray that as time goes by and I grow, the answer will more commonly be the latter.  Thank God that He works with me through my ridiculous selfishness.

Read this: Fahrenheit 451

I’m reading Fahrenheit 451 with my seniors and I think Ray Bradbury might be some kind of wizard.  This is one of those books you very well may have been assigned in high school but didn’t bother reading.  If that’s you, you did exactly what Bradbury thought you would.  You are who he thought you were.

Fahrenheit takes place in a dystopian future where firemen burn books and the houses that hold them.  The story follows a fireman, Guy Montag, as he begins to wake up to the reality around him.  He realizes his profound dissatisfaction with life after he meets a girl so strange so goes on hikes and has conversations with her family. 

Bradbury wrote this book in the early 1950’s and he meant it not as a warning about government censorship (books are outlawed) but rather as a warning against technology and the impact he feared it would have on society.  Here are just a few of the things that are true of Bradbury’s world:

• The prefer being entertained to paying attention to what’s going on.
• They are fat and happy so they don’t care about the world around them.
• Their government gets involved in wars but the people pay more attention to their TV shows.
• People are constantly plugged in to technology – TV, music, movies – so they don’t engage in real relationships or talk to one another.
• Suicide attempts are commonplace.
• The society is incredibly violent – young people kill each other and people smash things for fun.
• School is about filling students with facts and true thinking is discouraged.
• People make stupid statements about politics when they don’t really know what they’re talking about.
• People mask their unhappiness and dissatisfaction with sex, drugs, and having “fun.”
• People don’t want to read because they’d rather watch TV or be entertained.
• People don’t understand the point of learning something if you don’t need it to do your job.
• Headlines and sound bytes are more important than thoughtful analysis.

I could list specifics along with all those bullet points from the book, and I could link to stories from today’s news alone that show how those very same things are true of us, but I don’t think I need to.  You’d think I was simply railing against the world in 2011, but I’m describing the world of Fahrenheit. 

Here’s one quote, where Beatty, the fire captain, explains society’s descent:

If you don’t want a man unhappy politically, don’t give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the government is inefficient, topheavy, and tax-mad, beter it be all those than that people worry over it.  Peace, Montag.  Give the people contests that they win by remembering capitals or how much corn Iowa grew last year.  Cram them full of noncombustible data, chock them so damned full of ‘facts’ they feel stuffed, but absolutely ‘brilliant’ with information.  Then they’ll feel they’re thinking, they’ll get a sense of motion without moving.  And they’ll be happy, because facts of that sort don’t change. Don’t give them any slippery stuff like philosophy or sociology to tie things up with.  That way lies melancholy.  Any man who can take a TV wall apart and put it back together again, and most men can, nowadays, is happier than any man who tries to slide-rule, measure, and equate the universe, which just won’t be measured or equated without making man feel bestial and lonely.  I know, I’ve tried it; to hell with it.  So bring on your clubs and parties, your acrobats and magicians, your daredevils, jet cars, motorcycle helicopters, your sex and heroin, more of everything to do with automatic reflex.  If the drama is bad, if the film says nothing, if the play is hollow, sting me with theremin, loudly. I’ll think I’m responding to the play, when it’s only a tactile reaction to vibration.  But I don’t care.  I just like solid entertainment.

I seriously just want to quote the whole book.  It’s fantastic.  You should read it.  And you should wonder, like me, if Ray Bradbury is some kind of magical wizard, because he seriously called it.

What does God want you to do?

How do you make decisions?  If you’re a Christian, chances are you want to make the decisions God wants you to make (or at least that’s what you want to want to do).  But how do you figure out what God wants you to do?

Toward the end of Acts, the Apostle Paul begins to be compelled by the Holy Spirit that he should go to Jerusalem (Acts 20.22).  He’s warned by others that he shouldn’t go because it will be dangerous.  One man even appears to have a prophetic vision on the issue:

[10] While we were staying for many days, a prophet named Agabus came down from Judea. [11] And coming to us, he took Paul's belt and bound his own feet and hands and said, “Thus says the Holy Spirit, ‘This is how the Jews at Jerusalem will bind the man who owns this belt and deliver him into the hands of the Gentiles.’” [12] When we heard this, we and the people there urged him not to go up to Jerusalem. (Acts 21:10-12 ESV)

I read this the other day and a few things occurred to me:

What God wants will not always make sense to others.

I don’t know about you but if I were trying to make a decision and every follower of Jesus I knew was trying to dissuade me, saying I’d get hurt, and another said they had a word directly from God saying I’d be tied up…aside from my natural skepticism and stubbornness, it’s probably a safe bet I’d take that as a way out. 

What God wants will not always line up with my comfort (or even safety).

God specifically wanted Paul to go to Jerusalem (and then Rome) to bring the gospel to the Gentiles.  It wasn’t Paul’s foolhardiness that got him there, it was God’s direction.  How often do I assume that if something is dangerous it must not be something God wants out of me?  Seriously – if someone were to tell me, and I actually believed them – that if I were to take Action X I would suffer imprisonment, I might very well take that as evidence it’s not what God wants me to do.  But here clearly in Scripture we see the opposite.

What God wants will not always give me a peaceful, easy feeling.

One common way Christians try to decipher God’s will for their life is to pray about something and if they “feel a peace” about it then it’s God giving them the go ahead.  It’s probably a safe bet that Paul has some wrestling going on inside himself over this decision.  Sometimes doing the right thing means moving forward despite an uneasy, uncertain feeling.  Relying on your feelings to dictate the will of God is a path that will probably more often than not lead you down a path of your own choosing.

Many Christians struggle mightily to decide whether God wants them to go to the left or to the right with regard to a certain decision.  Are they interpreting His will correctly?  Are they missing something He’s trying to tell them?  What happens if they make the wrong decision?  Are they then “out of God’s will” for their life?  It’s almost as if God hides His will for us like an Easter Egg and we have to jump through various hoops and learn various skills to properly “listen” to what God has to say, and if we don’t we’ll miss it.

I have much to say on this topic but here’s something to consider (not my idea, I first heard it from Greg Koukl and I’m sure he got it somewhere too): If God is speaking to you, you can’t miss it; if He isn’t, there’s nothing to miss.

Do the best you can with the decisions in front of you.  Paul clearly felt compelled by the Spirit to go to Jerusalem and did so despite the many spiritual-sounding outs he could have taken.  I hope to one day be at the point where I can say, like Paul did when he declared his intention to go to Jerusalem despite the danger, that “I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish the course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.” (Acts 20:24, ESV)

When I can say that with all my heart and mean it, I don’t think I’ll have to worry about missing out on what God wants to do with my life. 

Grades destroyed my physics teacher.

“What grade do you want?” he asked, obviously frustrated.  “An A?  How about an A?  Everybody gets an A!” At this point he was furiously scribbling in his gradebook as that deep shade of crimson we’d grown familiar with crept across his face.  We would smile and giggle to ourselves as he muttered to himself angrily for the next several minutes.

We students looked forward to Mr. H’s freakouts, so long as we weren’t the specific targets, because they were fun to watch.  It was like sitting front row at a Jerry Springer taping.  He’d storm back and forth, mutter under his breath, alternate between yelling and seething explanation, tear off his shirt in a rage…well, all but the last at least.  You were never quite sure what was going to set him off, but I eventually noticed a common theme.

Mr. H wanted nothing more than to awaken a love for science in his students.  He really seemed like a good guy to me.  He had a good sense of humor and while he was a bit unpredictable he always encouraged legitimate questions.  He had fun doing demonstrations for us and encouraged inquiry.  I once got in an argument with a friend over how many atoms there were in the universe total (more or less than a googol…do not judge me) and he gave us some guidance on the issue.  He possessed many of the qualities you’d like to see in a teacher.  Grades ruined him, however.  How?

Grades put the focus on the wrong thing.

Mr. H wanted us to do our experiments and accurately record the data we got, even if we ended up with messed up results.  He wanted us to really learn and understand the scientific method, not plug the correct answers into our notebooks so we could get points.  Most students, however, couldn’t give half a rip about the process.  We wanted our grades!  To get good grades we’d been taught you need to get the right answers, so that’s what we focused on.  Learning didn’t matter, grades did.

Now that I’m a teacher I ‘m able to more clearly see what Mr. H’s issue was.  I’m not in danger of freaking out on my students but I very quickly identified the focus students (and parents) have on grades.  In most cases all a student cares about is the grade they got.  If they write a paper all they want to do is look at the grade.  A high enough grade makes them happy and they ignore it, a low grade either makes them feel like a failure or get angry at the teacher for the injustice (usually both).

Students learn when they are able to focus on the work they did.  What did they do well?  What do they need to improve on?  What does a good piece of writing look like?  What broader understandings are there to glean from this assignment?  A student learns nothing from an A, B, C, D, or F on their paper.  But that’s what they so often want to see. 

One day Mr. H had a particularly magnificent meltdown and we never saw him again.  We had a sub the rest of the year – one who didn’t know physics.  So my honors physics class ended up trying to teach itself physics.  Many of us got good grades but I can guarantee there were plenty of kids that year who earned A’s in physics that didn’t really know squat about the science.  It sure would look good on our transcripts, though!

Focusing on grades as a student, teacher or parent is dangerous.  What matters more than GPA is that the student’s mind is being sharpened, they’re being awakened to things bigger than themselves, that their understanding of the content and skills is growing.  Sometimes grades reflect that, sometimes they don’t.  I know I will expect good grades from my kids – but when they bring home report cards I will understand what those grades do and do not represent.

Welcome to the new blog, not quite the same as the old blog

I’ve been inspired by the recent regular blogging of some friends and decided to get into the regular discipline of blogging myself.  After deciding to do that, I took a look at the blog I’ve used on and off since 2002.  Despite its long history it didn’t feel quite right to revive it.  So I’ve made a break.  There’s a lot of good stuff over there and you’re free to go visit it to peruse my ageless pearls of wisdom and refinement.  But I’m doing something new here.

The toughest part of getting started was figuring out what sort of title to give the blog.  I wanted the title to incorporate elements of what I’d post on and give the blog some sense of a theme.  As I thought about the different things I’d post on I realized I’d either have a ridiculously long list separated by commas, an obnoxious quote, or something else to try to capture the fact that the only thing these posts will have in common is that they will matter to me.

I did a quick Google search to see if there already was a prominent blog with the title “It Matters to Me” and all I found were several links to the lyrics of a Faith Hill song. 

Let it be known right here that this blog is not named after a Faith Hill song.

The only real thing you can count on from this blog is that what you read will matter to me.  Sometimes the content will be frivolous, other times profound (or at least I’ll give it a shot).  I hope that here you will find something worth your time to read.  I am already drowning in a sea of RSS feeds and the list of blogs I consider a must read is quite small.  I will strive to be worthy of your short list.