A missed opportunity

This past weekend at South Bay, Filipe preached on three perspective shifts regarding service and serving others that should come when we seek to follow Christ.  One of these shifts was that when we look at the need, see the opportunity.  That is, the existence of a need is an opportunity for us to do something about it and in so doing bring more glory to God. 

In making this point, Filipe shared about a time when he felt it very strongly impressed upon him that he should offer an obviously inebriated man a ride.  This man was ambling around in circles in a dark parking lot by himself.  At first Filipe drove past and tried to suppress the feeling for reasons that should be familiar to all of us.  Upon reaching the end of the street he couldn’t suppress it any more and turned around to go offer the man a ride.  It turned out the man was so lonely he’d gotten drunk so he could screw up the courage to kill himself, and as he walked in circles in that parking lot he was trying to figure out how to do it.  But because Filipe took the opportunity, that man’s night went very differently.

As Filipe told the story it clearly reminded me of a similar experience I had in college.  I’d stopped at a 7-11 to get a coffee (I was desperate for coffee) on my way up to campus, and outside there was what looked like a homeless woman.  I did my best to avoid eye contact as I went in and got my coffee, but as I served the coffee up for myself I had this strong sense that I should go ask the woman if I could get her anything. 

It’s hard to describe this “sense” I’m talking about or exactly what it felt like.  I’d say the thought entered my mind but that doesn’t capture it.  I’d say I felt a compulsion in my heart but it was more distinct than that.  Whatever it was exactly, it’s clear to me now and was even clear at the time that it was something God wanted me to do.  He wanted me to speak to that woman like a human being and offer her at least a cup of coffee – something that I could more than spare the dollar-fifty for.

I suppressed this feeling for two main reasons.  First, I didn’t know how she would react and I was scared of it.  Second, I convinced myself I needed to hurry to get to campus.  Both of those were crap but it’s how I justified my inaction.

I steeled my nerves against the compassionate impulses, paid for my coffee, and marched back to my car with my head down.  My heart was pounding at this point and it’s one of the few distinct times in my life I had the strong sense that I was directly choosing disobedience to a clear command of God.  I sin regularly but it doesn’t always hit my heart so strongly.  I sat in the car for a moment, started it up, and continued on my way up Harder Road to campus.

I hit a red light right away and sat there thinking about what I was (not) doing.  After a few blocks of driving I couldn’t stand it anymore and turned around to see if the woman was still there.  When I got back to the 7-11, not more than seven minutes after I left, the woman was nowhere to be seen.  I’d missed the opportunity.  I felt like a failure.  Probably because I was. 

Who knows what difference, if any, my interaction would’ve had on that woman’s life.  That wasn’t really the issue though.  The issue was: do I care more about my discomfort and time or do I care more about obeying God and extending His love and grace to others? 

At that point the answer was the former.  I hope and pray that as time goes by and I grow, the answer will more commonly be the latter.  Thank God that He works with me through my ridiculous selfishness.